ah gong, i miss you.....

ah gong, is that you...?

I have this strong feeling in me that my grandpa is viewing this blog too, he is with me but i just cant hold him anymore... 树欲静而风不止，子欲养而亲不在 this chinese proverb best describe my feeling now, "The tree wishes to be quiet and motionless but the wind doesnt stop blowing on it, a child wanting to show his filial piety and care for his parents but they are no longer there..."So i would like to take this opportunity to express my long bottled gratitude and longness to be with him, I know he can see this, I know he can feel me. I am sure he can.

one great man in my life

i still remember how you used to hold my hand, how you held my milk bottle, how you would fulfil all my most demanding demands, wants and needs. There was this once when we entered the lift and i saw this sweet wrapper. Being myself, the mischievious and greedy "want-it-all", i made this casual remark to you "i wan this sweet ah gong i want this sweet i don care" Being the amicable grandfather you are, you smiled to me and said "ok grandson, ah gong will bring you go find" however, finding that sweet itself wasnt easy. it wasnt just sold in any everyday store and we spent quite some time looking for it in all the stores in the neighbourhood. even when i gave up the thought of not wanting the sweet anymore and was throwing my tantrum and just simply refuses to walk, you haox me and carried me in your arms and continue searching for this sweet which we don even know if was selling in the neighbourhood. This little act of trying to see the smile on your grandson, wishing your your grandson to be happy might seem so insignicant to you but to a barely few years old toddler, i was deeply touched and i remember the moment up till even now. prehaps just no words could described the feeling i had then. it was simply out of this world. you just dote on me so much but as a toddler i didnt understand and just took it for granted. i took you for granted. how could i... how could i... given a chance again, i swear i will treasure you more than anything. if only i was given this chance... but now i can only keep you in my heart and i always will. the times we had together now seems just so invaluable to me.

i hope time could have just stopped then, when you me and the rest of the family was together at my 4th birthday, a happy family. nothing in this world is more important than the family. but i guess since i cant have you now, i shd be contended with these photos. By the way ah gong, po po is alright. i just visited her yesterday, she is fine. i think she will be discharged this few days. i will help you take good care of her, don worry. i will give her double the care and love for the fact that you are not with me anymore.

i know you are up there watching over us...

how i regretted that i let you go before even telling you this... ah gong, i love you...

how i wish i could hold your hand
but i cant
how i wish to hug you
but i cant
but this i can
to keep you in my heart, always...